Champagne Is Just Ginger Ale That Knows Somebody
by wafflehood
Summary: In which Shikamaru and Sasuke won't share their alcohol, Naruto is drunk, Kiba is devious, and there is an ill-advised game of Truth or Dare.


Naruto is drunk.

No, really, Naruto is _drunk_. Naruto is absolutely and completely wasted. He can't even _see straight_, okay, he is sitting down and the world is literally spinning around him. He doesn't even know what's going on anymore; he's just really, very drunk.

Kiba says, "Truth or Dare?" because it's his turn, (well, Naruto thinks it's his turn anyway, but he really wouldn't know. But he's sure that the others would, so. He trusts their judgment on this),

and Sasuke answers, "Dare," because Sasuke never picks Truth, (Naruto doesn't know if it's some stupid Uchiha thing, like, _don't back down from a challenge_, or just some stupid Sasuke thing that means Sasuke would rather run naked through Konohagakure than admit to any fuzzy feelings or embarrassing secrets),

and Kiba smirks, "Make out with Naruto,"

and Naruto kind of goes, _wait. What?_ because he's drunk, yes, but that's wrong. He's not sure _why_ exactly it's wrong, but there is something wrong with what Kiba just said.

Ino giggles and Tenten cheers a little and Shikamaru sighs, "Jesus fuck, Kiba, what the hell?" but he's a little slurred, so Naruto can't be sure that that's actually what he's saying. Neji is definitely smirking, eyes turned down and face hidden by his hair, and Lee is just kind of staring blankly into the air because he is more drunk than Naruto is. He's like, _beyond_ drunk. (It's a nice state of being, really. Everyone should be it all the time, Naruto thinks. No one would be in any wars if everyone just got drunk together all the time. Think of the peace!). Under Neji's arm, tucked against Neji's side the way he always is, Gaara is looking at them interestedly, and Sakura is _totally_ laughing at them, because Sasuke once got really drunk and told her that she was pretty much the only person he wouldn't actually _kill_ for making fun of him and she's been abusing it ever since.

Naruto's brain, (the semi-sober part), goes, _oh right Sasuke_, and Naruto looks over at his best friend.

Sasuke's mouth is open, slack and wet from alcohol and, oh, Naruto needs to stop staring or Sasuke will notice. Except Sasuke is staring at Kiba, and Kiba is grinning back, all smug. Like he does.

"What," Sasuke says. It's not even a _question_, it's clearly a threat.

"Make out," Kiba says, enunciating every word clearly, "with Naruto."

"And if I refuse," Sasuke says, and it's still not a question, it's just this dangerous growl that is both freaking Naruto the fuck out and kind of turning him on. (But, okay, that's pretty much true for _every single thing_ Sasuke does, ever).

"Double Dare!" Ino giggles, high-pitched and sloppy.

"Make out with Neji," Kiba elaborates. _And survive Gaara's wrath_ goes unsaid as the second part of the Double Dare.

Sasuke glances briefly at Neji and Gaara, like he's considering it. Neji is shaking with silent laughter. Gaara is pressed even closer to Neji than usual, (Naruto did not know that was even _possible_), and he's already glaring at Sasuke, all, _touch my boyfriend and I will go psycho on your ass and deal you a very painful death_. Sasuke looks at Naruto, finally, and Naruto looks back. He knows he's flushed, but who cares? So is Sasuke, from anger and embarrassment but mostly the alcohol. Naruto shrugs. Sasuke asks, "Why are you not protesting?" kind of fondly exasperated, and Naruto shrugs again.

"Naruto's not afraid of a little kiss," Kiba grins, wicked, because it's not like anyone doesn't know that that is the only thing Sasuke can never stand for; the implication that Naruto is willing to do something he isn't.

Sasuke's eyes go all determined, and Naruto can't stop staring, because, holy shit, Sasuke is really very attractive. (This is not news to him, of course it's not, he's known this since he was _twelve_ and first _met_ Sasuke, (kissed him, too, but that was totally an accident, although it did seal his fate as just another person in love with Sasuke Uchiha. He doesn't mind much though, because Sasuke generally prefers his company to the company of other people, so he wins), and it's not like Sasuke got _less_ attractive as he got older).

And, oh, Sasuke is kissing him and he didn't even notice. He must be way drunker than he thought.

Sasuke's mouth is kind of wet and slick and tastes like beer and Sake and something stronger, (probably from that flask he and Shikamaru have been passing back and forth all night and _refusing to share with anyone else_, the dicks), and it's a pretty insistent kiss, with quite a lot of tongue, and it's, oh, Sasuke's fingers are on his neck, and that's nice, that's _really_ nice, Naruto wouldn't mind if Sasuke never stopped doing that. Like, ever.

So of course Sasuke stops, because Sasuke never does what Naruto wants him to, because he is a terrible best friend and also, probably the worst person to have a crush on in the history of ever, because _everyone_ has a crush on Sasuke, (_Kiba_ had a crush on Sasuke a few years back, and it was hilarious and ridiculous and also kind of proves the _everyone has a crush on Sasuke_ hypothesis), so Sasuke's kind of just taught himself to ignore any and all romantic come-ons because otherwise it was really difficult for him to go about his daily whatever, doings.

"Huh," Sasuke says and licks his lips,

and Naruto's brain goes, _wait did he enjoy that too?_ and then fizzles and dies when Sasuke _kisses him again_, even though he's fulfilled the Dare already, which means—

"Huh," Naruto mutters against Sasuke's lips,

and Sasuke says, "Shut up, idiot," and crowds closer, slips his tongue into Naruto's mouth again, hands in Naruto's hair,

and okay, Naruto is totally down with shutting up.

Totally.

* * *

><p>so, once upon a time, i swore i would never be back in the naruto fandom. that worked well. have a random drunken shenanigans fic while i try to work my way through the epic sasuke-returns fic that i may or may not have planned.<p>

i own nothing. title is a quote i got from somewhere, and the characters belong to the japanese guy who wrote the manga whose name i have sadly forgotten. sorry, japanese guy who wrote the manga, i love you!


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